October 20, 2008
Wahaw. I am actually super sick and tired of this life. Erm.. not literally about my life, but with the persons in my life. The person I trusted the most is walking away from me. I basically don’t know why. I hate it so much. This day, my best friend is not minding me, the most important teacher to me is angry at every one, except from HER, and we have many problems in these stupid forms. Shocks. I don’t know what to do now. i need a break.
Thank goodness that there is a semestral break next week. I badly need it. Maybe because I am so exhausted in going to school.
Defense mechanism? Yes. I admit it. But who the hell isn’t affected by what is happening? I am scared. I am coward. I know. Maybe because I actually don’t know what to do. I am scared of rejection. I am scared of seeing her getting angry at me. I am scared of her. I am scared of the lost friendship.
Basically, it never even crossed my mind that this will happen. I never knew that she has these guts to do those things. I mean, it is just that I never imagined that she will do it to us. I want this to end now. As in. I am missing you.
I know that this is not the right time… but I hope… someday, somehow. This will end…
Sunday, November 2, 2008
New hairstyle, new life
October 19, 2008
I noticed that whenever I am depressed, I ask someone to cut my hair or I cut it myself.
I could remember the very first time that I cut my own hair because of despair. It was when we are in third year. I was hurt by my friends and I hated it so much. That is why I decided to cut my hair, just before going to school. :D
This is the second time. Lynch and Kyrysh had a big fight and Kyrysh was so hurt. [By the way, Lynch is Kuya Migs and I am Kyrysh.] I treasure him so much. I treat him as one of the most special friends I ever had in my life. That may be the reason why I did it.
So there it is. I had my short hair. Sheez. And you know what? We reconciled later on, the night after I had the haircut. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I super hate it. My hair was wasted. Huhu.
So next time, I am really gonna think so deeply first before doing something that could ruin everything.
I noticed that whenever I am depressed, I ask someone to cut my hair or I cut it myself.
I could remember the very first time that I cut my own hair because of despair. It was when we are in third year. I was hurt by my friends and I hated it so much. That is why I decided to cut my hair, just before going to school. :D
This is the second time. Lynch and Kyrysh had a big fight and Kyrysh was so hurt. [By the way, Lynch is Kuya Migs and I am Kyrysh.] I treasure him so much. I treat him as one of the most special friends I ever had in my life. That may be the reason why I did it.
So there it is. I had my short hair. Sheez. And you know what? We reconciled later on, the night after I had the haircut. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I super hate it. My hair was wasted. Huhu.
So next time, I am really gonna think so deeply first before doing something that could ruin everything.
Missing My Deep Slumbers..
October 19, 2008
Last Friday, we tried to finish our research paper since it is to be passed on Monday for INTEL Philippines Regional Competition. Luckily, we finished it and we also had Mam de Vera’s signature.
I laughed at Mam Elain’s statement. “Ayan! Congrats! Makakatulog na rin kayo!” . I looked at her and she also laughed. “Pwera pala dun sa mga staff ng molecules.. Hahaha!”. But I just smiled and took her statement as a joke.
And so it happened. I went home and get my things. After eating dinner and washing the dishes, I rushed to the school for the overnight. Micah and I edited articles and did the sports page. I had a nap from 6AM to 7AM. Everybody had their breakfast, I hadn’t. I am super hungry that time. I also experienced sinusitis. A good thing Shai and others went outside and bought sinutabs for me. I placed the finishing touches in my page and before 12NN, our page was done!
I went home for I need to have my medical check-up. After having the test and taking a bath, I returned to the school to get my laptop since I lend it to Micah so she could finish some other parts. I just slept again, on the floor. Hehe. Then at 6PM, we fixed the room and we went home happily, though some parts are still undone. Thanks to Milky’s jokes again.
Last Friday, we tried to finish our research paper since it is to be passed on Monday for INTEL Philippines Regional Competition. Luckily, we finished it and we also had Mam de Vera’s signature.
I laughed at Mam Elain’s statement. “Ayan! Congrats! Makakatulog na rin kayo!” . I looked at her and she also laughed. “Pwera pala dun sa mga staff ng molecules.. Hahaha!”. But I just smiled and took her statement as a joke.
And so it happened. I went home and get my things. After eating dinner and washing the dishes, I rushed to the school for the overnight. Micah and I edited articles and did the sports page. I had a nap from 6AM to 7AM. Everybody had their breakfast, I hadn’t. I am super hungry that time. I also experienced sinusitis. A good thing Shai and others went outside and bought sinutabs for me. I placed the finishing touches in my page and before 12NN, our page was done!
I went home for I need to have my medical check-up. After having the test and taking a bath, I returned to the school to get my laptop since I lend it to Micah so she could finish some other parts. I just slept again, on the floor. Hehe. Then at 6PM, we fixed the room and we went home happily, though some parts are still undone. Thanks to Milky’s jokes again.
Imagine. 9 hours?!
October 15, 2008
When we arrived at Governor Ferrer Memorial National High School, we practiced on how we are going to present our research and on how to answer the possible questions of the panelists. Mam Ruby and Sir Moji gave us some tips on how to answer the questions.
At 11AM, we had the ingress. The panelists asked us some questions and we were so grateful that we know the answers to their questions. We had our lunch (yummy cheeseburger with COLESLAW) and waited for the congress.
We waited until 9PM. We hate it so much. From 12PM to 9PM, we waited for the congress and it lasted for not more than 5 minutes! They even asked one question, and it is very irrelevant to the research proper. It is about the photograph. Grr. I hate it so much.
When we arrived at Governor Ferrer Memorial National High School, we practiced on how we are going to present our research and on how to answer the possible questions of the panelists. Mam Ruby and Sir Moji gave us some tips on how to answer the questions.
At 11AM, we had the ingress. The panelists asked us some questions and we were so grateful that we know the answers to their questions. We had our lunch (yummy cheeseburger with COLESLAW) and waited for the congress.
We waited until 9PM. We hate it so much. From 12PM to 9PM, we waited for the congress and it lasted for not more than 5 minutes! They even asked one question, and it is very irrelevant to the research proper. It is about the photograph. Grr. I hate it so much.
So Close, yet so Far.
October 14, 2008
Today is the day!
I will have my laptop! I went to my father’s house to get the said device. But before going to their lair, me and my mom went to Divisoria to have the tarp be finished.
So… I arrived in Tayuman, all by myself. He gave me the laptop and asked me to eat lunch. After that, I slept and I woke up at 4.00PM. My mother was texting me to leave the house for we still need to get the tarp there. But because of the time, she was the one who got the tarp and we just met each other in Park n Ride. We went home and I saw the mistake in our tarpaulin. We tried to go back to Divi, but the shop is already closed. I really cried that time, but I could not do anything.
We arrived at 10PM. I started our presentation for the Division ASEP on Monday. I did not sleep at all. I expected that we will compete that day, without sleeping. It is a good thing that we will still have the ingress and the congress on the second day.
Today is the day!
I will have my laptop! I went to my father’s house to get the said device. But before going to their lair, me and my mom went to Divisoria to have the tarp be finished.
So… I arrived in Tayuman, all by myself. He gave me the laptop and asked me to eat lunch. After that, I slept and I woke up at 4.00PM. My mother was texting me to leave the house for we still need to get the tarp there. But because of the time, she was the one who got the tarp and we just met each other in Park n Ride. We went home and I saw the mistake in our tarpaulin. We tried to go back to Divi, but the shop is already closed. I really cried that time, but I could not do anything.
We arrived at 10PM. I started our presentation for the Division ASEP on Monday. I did not sleep at all. I expected that we will compete that day, without sleeping. It is a good thing that we will still have the ingress and the congress on the second day.
Set goals for a better life.
October 12, 2008
I don’t want to elaborate on this much, but I want to place it on my blog. I feel guilty and angry whenever I am thinking of this event. I lost. For the second time. Sheez. I am not worthy to compete in this contest. I hate it so much. Mam Lenny told me that it is because my attention is divided and I don’t set my priorities. And I realized that she is correct. I need to know my goals. But I actually don’t know how.
Shaider has the right to tell those words to me. “ Andami-dami mo kasing sinasalihan… Hindi mo na naiisip kung anung uunahin mo…” Those words penetrated into me. I was deeply hurt. But I don’t have the right. He is correct.
By the words these two people told me, I woke up. I need to set priorities. I need to know which is more important. But… I still can’t decide.
I don’t want to elaborate on this much, but I want to place it on my blog. I feel guilty and angry whenever I am thinking of this event. I lost. For the second time. Sheez. I am not worthy to compete in this contest. I hate it so much. Mam Lenny told me that it is because my attention is divided and I don’t set my priorities. And I realized that she is correct. I need to know my goals. But I actually don’t know how.
Shaider has the right to tell those words to me. “ Andami-dami mo kasing sinasalihan… Hindi mo na naiisip kung anung uunahin mo…” Those words penetrated into me. I was deeply hurt. But I don’t have the right. He is correct.
By the words these two people told me, I woke up. I need to set priorities. I need to know which is more important. But… I still can’t decide.
No Intrams!
October 12,2008
Last Monday, the Intrams kicked-off with crowd-cheering and stupendous moves shown by the captains in the stage. The 13 street dancers performed their winning piece in front of the whole school. Dana even cried since our performance was a bit messed up again because Aaron and Ria were missing, without us knowing.
I was anxious because we are to review for the DSPC on October 9-11, and I need to contact my writers at the same time! How am I supposed to do that? Hmm. I hate this intramurals.
Last Tuesday, we performed the winning piece (again) in Kalayaan Homes in Bucal because there was a convention of all the treasurers of Cavite. We were so happy because at last, our performance was great. After eating our free lunch, we returned to the school and I resumed in reviewing for the DSPC.
October 8, we still reviewed for the DSPC, while covering some games. I reviewed while watching some of my batchmates play. I supported them of course.
Haiz. I won’t be able to watch the awarding on Friday because of the DSPC. This intramurals really sucks.
Last Monday, the Intrams kicked-off with crowd-cheering and stupendous moves shown by the captains in the stage. The 13 street dancers performed their winning piece in front of the whole school. Dana even cried since our performance was a bit messed up again because Aaron and Ria were missing, without us knowing.
I was anxious because we are to review for the DSPC on October 9-11, and I need to contact my writers at the same time! How am I supposed to do that? Hmm. I hate this intramurals.
Last Tuesday, we performed the winning piece (again) in Kalayaan Homes in Bucal because there was a convention of all the treasurers of Cavite. We were so happy because at last, our performance was great. After eating our free lunch, we returned to the school and I resumed in reviewing for the DSPC.
October 8, we still reviewed for the DSPC, while covering some games. I reviewed while watching some of my batchmates play. I supported them of course.
Haiz. I won’t be able to watch the awarding on Friday because of the DSPC. This intramurals really sucks.
All Messed Up. :(
October 3, 2008
Yesterday, we slept [if we really sleep] in Mam May’s house for we are to perform again in Maragondon Town Plaza because of the Alay Lakad program. We finished our costumes. I slept at 2.15AM and woke up at 3.00AM to finish our costumes.
We joined the Alay Lakad and we performed again on the dance floor, but unfortunately, our dance was all messed up because of our costumes. It was really shameful. Someone even cried that time.
After watching the performance of PUP, we went to Mam May’s house to fix it and to get our things. We also discussed some matters about the troupe. It was the first time that I saw her cry.
After dismissing the other members of SALIW, we bought a can of sardines and adobo nuts for lunch. We ate together and after eating, we fixed the items we used for eating. While they are practicing for the Cheerdance, I slept at someone’s bed. When I woke up, I tried to help them with their routine. I went home with Jackie and rested at home.
Yesterday, we slept [if we really sleep] in Mam May’s house for we are to perform again in Maragondon Town Plaza because of the Alay Lakad program. We finished our costumes. I slept at 2.15AM and woke up at 3.00AM to finish our costumes.
We joined the Alay Lakad and we performed again on the dance floor, but unfortunately, our dance was all messed up because of our costumes. It was really shameful. Someone even cried that time.
After watching the performance of PUP, we went to Mam May’s house to fix it and to get our things. We also discussed some matters about the troupe. It was the first time that I saw her cry.
After dismissing the other members of SALIW, we bought a can of sardines and adobo nuts for lunch. We ate together and after eating, we fixed the items we used for eating. While they are practicing for the Cheerdance, I slept at someone’s bed. When I woke up, I tried to help them with their routine. I went home with Jackie and rested at home.
food food food.,..
September 23, 2008
We went to Royale Tagaytay for our Career Orientation. On the way there, we watched the movie “Now and Then” for our movie review in English. We watched it happily and everybody enjoyed it.
When we arrived there, we went to different booths of schools and get their brochures and freebies. Danica and I luckily got notebooks from MAPUA. Both of us enjoyed the place. We also had our name at the back of the JobsDB card. We were both so much into it. PERSONALIZED CARD!
At 3PM, we went to SM Dasmariñas. On the way there, we watched the last part of the movie. Luckily, we finished it before arriving at the mall. I was with Mam May, JL and Danica first, we were looking for a present to be given by Mam to her goddaughter that is to be baptized. While Mam is purchasing the doll, we bought ice cream cake from Bake and Churn. Then we strolled around the mall. Danica and I did not stop buying food, and my money really is gone. But at least, I felt happy.
When we went home, we waited for the bus driver for the bus is closed, and it is raining so hard. We were at the bus, and we planned something for Samm and Shayne. [everyone felt that kilig factor between them.]
I was beside Michael when we go home since Mam May is beside Danica. We had some agreements and we really felt happy in going home.
We went to Royale Tagaytay for our Career Orientation. On the way there, we watched the movie “Now and Then” for our movie review in English. We watched it happily and everybody enjoyed it.
When we arrived there, we went to different booths of schools and get their brochures and freebies. Danica and I luckily got notebooks from MAPUA. Both of us enjoyed the place. We also had our name at the back of the JobsDB card. We were both so much into it. PERSONALIZED CARD!
At 3PM, we went to SM Dasmariñas. On the way there, we watched the last part of the movie. Luckily, we finished it before arriving at the mall. I was with Mam May, JL and Danica first, we were looking for a present to be given by Mam to her goddaughter that is to be baptized. While Mam is purchasing the doll, we bought ice cream cake from Bake and Churn. Then we strolled around the mall. Danica and I did not stop buying food, and my money really is gone. But at least, I felt happy.
When we went home, we waited for the bus driver for the bus is closed, and it is raining so hard. We were at the bus, and we planned something for Samm and Shayne. [everyone felt that kilig factor between them.]
I was beside Michael when we go home since Mam May is beside Danica. We had some agreements and we really felt happy in going home.
Rewarded Efforts
September 7, 2008
After attending school, I went home to get my things for we are to spend overnight in Mam May’s boarding house tonight and on Saturday night, in preparation for our Street Dancing Competition on Sunday. I am kind of nervous already.
We practiced our steps while walking. Someone is bringing the radio while the others are dancing. After practicing and waiting for Dana’s van (for they won’t sleep on Mam May’s house), Milky is doing something on the bamboo pieces for our castanets. She is making everyone laugh with her silly jokes. The walking chuckie with the axe, with matching scary tune. I found Aaron very happy that time. Hehe.
We went inside the house and tried to finish our costumes, but unfortunately, we fell asleep. So we continued doing our costume on Saturday. Milky and I went to Pinagsanhan to get some “pinagkayasan” for our costume. We really felt very tired for it is so heavy and we still need to pass the hanging bridge and walk all the way to the house. Whew!
After eating breakfast, we continued doing our costume. We weren’t able to eat lunch for we need to finish our costume at 2:00 PM. I really wanted to cry that time for I could not do it perfectly. But I could not do anything, so I just let it.
We went to school without taking a bath yet. We practiced the dance while Kuya Dell and Milky are applying the spray paint in our costume. We use the castanets and perfectly done our dance. Mam May gave last minute advices to us, still hoping that we would win.
At night, we cleaned ourselves and we went outside to buy sanrio and gel. We also scouted for sunglasses because Mam May told us to have one. Alrich also treated us with pieces of bread. We also had picture taking moments by the light post. Alrich even danced in a street where we are the only ones there.
Upon arriving home, we had our hair braided. After that, we had our photo op again. (We really love the cam!) Then we slept, anxiously waiting for the sun to shine for us to showcase our talent.
ALAS SINGKO NA!! Lorena shouted. Everybody got up and prepared for the competition. We are still nervous. Then we proceeded to the Maragondon Town Plaza. While there are sounds, we just can’t help but dance.
The street dancing competition started. When we returned to the plaza, Ate Joy asked us to pray and gave pieces of advice to us. After waiting for our number to be called, we performed at the utmost energy we had to give in the exhibition. We saw Mam de Vera and Mam May very happy with our performance. After dancing and going out of the dance floor, we shouted and jumped for our efforts are at last given praise. Everybody were happy with our performance. We sat by the tree and waited for the announcement of winners.
“And the champion for Cluster B is group number… ONE! SALIW DANCE TROUPE OF CAVITE NATIONAL SCIENCE HIGH SCHOOL!” We screamed and jumped and ran towards the stage to get our prize. We were so happy.
We went home happily and changed our clothes. We went to Jollibee to eat our lunch, using the prize money. I went home after.
I watched our performance and I was really shocked. I never knew that we could really perform that well. XD
After attending school, I went home to get my things for we are to spend overnight in Mam May’s boarding house tonight and on Saturday night, in preparation for our Street Dancing Competition on Sunday. I am kind of nervous already.
We practiced our steps while walking. Someone is bringing the radio while the others are dancing. After practicing and waiting for Dana’s van (for they won’t sleep on Mam May’s house), Milky is doing something on the bamboo pieces for our castanets. She is making everyone laugh with her silly jokes. The walking chuckie with the axe, with matching scary tune. I found Aaron very happy that time. Hehe.
We went inside the house and tried to finish our costumes, but unfortunately, we fell asleep. So we continued doing our costume on Saturday. Milky and I went to Pinagsanhan to get some “pinagkayasan” for our costume. We really felt very tired for it is so heavy and we still need to pass the hanging bridge and walk all the way to the house. Whew!
After eating breakfast, we continued doing our costume. We weren’t able to eat lunch for we need to finish our costume at 2:00 PM. I really wanted to cry that time for I could not do it perfectly. But I could not do anything, so I just let it.
We went to school without taking a bath yet. We practiced the dance while Kuya Dell and Milky are applying the spray paint in our costume. We use the castanets and perfectly done our dance. Mam May gave last minute advices to us, still hoping that we would win.
At night, we cleaned ourselves and we went outside to buy sanrio and gel. We also scouted for sunglasses because Mam May told us to have one. Alrich also treated us with pieces of bread. We also had picture taking moments by the light post. Alrich even danced in a street where we are the only ones there.
Upon arriving home, we had our hair braided. After that, we had our photo op again. (We really love the cam!) Then we slept, anxiously waiting for the sun to shine for us to showcase our talent.
ALAS SINGKO NA!! Lorena shouted. Everybody got up and prepared for the competition. We are still nervous. Then we proceeded to the Maragondon Town Plaza. While there are sounds, we just can’t help but dance.
The street dancing competition started. When we returned to the plaza, Ate Joy asked us to pray and gave pieces of advice to us. After waiting for our number to be called, we performed at the utmost energy we had to give in the exhibition. We saw Mam de Vera and Mam May very happy with our performance. After dancing and going out of the dance floor, we shouted and jumped for our efforts are at last given praise. Everybody were happy with our performance. We sat by the tree and waited for the announcement of winners.
“And the champion for Cluster B is group number… ONE! SALIW DANCE TROUPE OF CAVITE NATIONAL SCIENCE HIGH SCHOOL!” We screamed and jumped and ran towards the stage to get our prize. We were so happy.
We went home happily and changed our clothes. We went to Jollibee to eat our lunch, using the prize money. I went home after.
I watched our performance and I was really shocked. I never knew that we could really perform that well. XD
three-day extravaganza!
September 7, 2008
Last Wednesday, Dana and I were very tired for we are practicing in the morning. We returned to the room and we found out that there is free lunch! Happy Birthday Serene and Pearl! Rice and Sisig, plus chocolate cake and mango-ube-chocolate ice cream. We are so full that time. We enjoyed it so much. [Not only because of the fun we shared together, but also because of the great food. OF COURSE! ^^,]
The following day, it was Shayne’s birthday. She gave free doughnuts in the recess in the afternoon. It was almost the same as what happened the day before it, but Shayne is in a bad mood. I could not approach her for I am afraid that she might just shout at me. I just let her think it over and feel that it is her birthday anyway.
September 5. It was Kim’s birthday. Pizza and Red Tea on the go! Everybody was happy for the free food. (As always.) Mam May, Shayne and I sat at the back part of the room and talked about our preferences in pizza. I basically hate bell peppers! :D
Happiness, oh yes. But after some thoughts, I realized that it is the last three-day extravaganza that will happen in our class. We are to graduate soon. But after the dramatic part, I am still thankful that these events gave chance to our class to bond.
Last Wednesday, Dana and I were very tired for we are practicing in the morning. We returned to the room and we found out that there is free lunch! Happy Birthday Serene and Pearl! Rice and Sisig, plus chocolate cake and mango-ube-chocolate ice cream. We are so full that time. We enjoyed it so much. [Not only because of the fun we shared together, but also because of the great food. OF COURSE! ^^,]
The following day, it was Shayne’s birthday. She gave free doughnuts in the recess in the afternoon. It was almost the same as what happened the day before it, but Shayne is in a bad mood. I could not approach her for I am afraid that she might just shout at me. I just let her think it over and feel that it is her birthday anyway.
September 5. It was Kim’s birthday. Pizza and Red Tea on the go! Everybody was happy for the free food. (As always.) Mam May, Shayne and I sat at the back part of the room and talked about our preferences in pizza. I basically hate bell peppers! :D
Happiness, oh yes. But after some thoughts, I realized that it is the last three-day extravaganza that will happen in our class. We are to graduate soon. But after the dramatic part, I am still thankful that these events gave chance to our class to bond.
Echinometra lacunter, 'til we meet again..
September 2, 2008
Last August 20, we returned to UPLB for our FINAL experimentation. And we really found the verdict of our research. POSITIVE! We proved that papaya could hinder the division of sea urchin gametes. I really felt so happy that time. At last. We are done.
We are still practicing for our Street Dancing Competition on Sunday. While I am busy weaving bamboo leaves for our costume, Shayne and Serene ran towards me. While panting, they told me that we are included in the INTEL Philippines. HELL YEAH! I really screamed that time. I was very happy. Eventhough we won’t win, we still participated in the said competition. And it is a great honor for me because our research is primarily my idea, and only few people could join the said contest. *super happy.*
But know, I don’t want to think of it first. I still have problems with our costume. I got to focus on it first. Good luck to us!
Last August 20, we returned to UPLB for our FINAL experimentation. And we really found the verdict of our research. POSITIVE! We proved that papaya could hinder the division of sea urchin gametes. I really felt so happy that time. At last. We are done.
We are still practicing for our Street Dancing Competition on Sunday. While I am busy weaving bamboo leaves for our costume, Shayne and Serene ran towards me. While panting, they told me that we are included in the INTEL Philippines. HELL YEAH! I really screamed that time. I was very happy. Eventhough we won’t win, we still participated in the said competition. And it is a great honor for me because our research is primarily my idea, and only few people could join the said contest. *super happy.*
But know, I don’t want to think of it first. I still have problems with our costume. I got to focus on it first. Good luck to us!
i hate cells!
August 15,2008
After series of tests, I really thought that our experimentation will be done today. We even brought a roll of cake in the laboratory for we really thought that it will be finished today. At roughly 1:00 PM, we just stared at each other, talked stories, computed for the concentrations, and asked everything we need to know about our research from Dr. Marfori.
At 4:00 pm, Dr. Marfori viewed our set-ups under the inverted microscope. And kaboom. Nothing actually happened. We accidentally let 2 sperm cells meet. We were not able to introduce egg cells in the system. How would a zygote be formed without egg cells?!!
I was very teary eyed that time. Doc was even teasing me. He keeps on saying”oh..bakit paiyak ka na? next time na pupunta kayo dito, perfect na natin yan…” They did not understand me. Basically, I was not crying for the failed experiment. But I pity my mom. We don’t have money that time and we still need to return to Laguna? I hate it. I hate myself. Why didn’t I think of checking under the microscope if it is really an egg cell. Now, my mom is going to suffer again. What should we do now?
We need to go back on August 20. Haiz. Another expensive trip. I promise, I will check every little detail just to finish this experiment. For my grades. For INTEL. For my groupmates. For my family. For my mom.
After series of tests, I really thought that our experimentation will be done today. We even brought a roll of cake in the laboratory for we really thought that it will be finished today. At roughly 1:00 PM, we just stared at each other, talked stories, computed for the concentrations, and asked everything we need to know about our research from Dr. Marfori.
At 4:00 pm, Dr. Marfori viewed our set-ups under the inverted microscope. And kaboom. Nothing actually happened. We accidentally let 2 sperm cells meet. We were not able to introduce egg cells in the system. How would a zygote be formed without egg cells?!!
I was very teary eyed that time. Doc was even teasing me. He keeps on saying”oh..bakit paiyak ka na? next time na pupunta kayo dito, perfect na natin yan…” They did not understand me. Basically, I was not crying for the failed experiment. But I pity my mom. We don’t have money that time and we still need to return to Laguna? I hate it. I hate myself. Why didn’t I think of checking under the microscope if it is really an egg cell. Now, my mom is going to suffer again. What should we do now?
We need to go back on August 20. Haiz. Another expensive trip. I promise, I will check every little detail just to finish this experiment. For my grades. For INTEL. For my groupmates. For my family. For my mom.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
i love you.
Haiz.. 2:00 AM.. and still alive and kicking.. stupid sleep this afternoon.. now I am still awake.. wahaha.
Actually, I don't have the right to smile at this very moment. We have this physics project that we need to pass on Monday. We still not have started it, and I really don't have an idea on how to do it.. Now. Whatchamaganadu?
Feeling light headed.
I lack sleep. super. for a week, a person should ideally have 56 hours of sleep.. But I think I just have the half of it.. Gonna ask why? I also don't know. I have this sudden urge not to sleep early, and not to eat right. I want to stop it, but can't. Simply DON'T KNOW WHY.
Last Friday, I thought I am going to collapse. Lack of sleep and deprivation of water and food? Maybe. It's a good thing I was able to calm myself. But I still didn't feel well then.
Deeply appreciated.
I really feel this love from my guildmates in Fresbo. It is something like I really am part of their circle of friends. Everyday, I find myself enjoying their company.
"Buti pa sila, pinahahalagahan ako.."
This statement made me realize that it is basically more than a game. It is much of the care for each other. It is much of the love and affection we are sharing.
OH YES. A BORING VIRTUAL WORLD. but at least, I feel happy whenever I talk with them. I feel loved. At least, from them.
A lot more thanks.
Hipon, Ate Anne, Kuya Tep, Kuya Teng, Ate Jazz, Ate Kim, Ate KC, Kuya Farz, Kuya Devil KO, Kuya KO, and of course mah boss...
MY DEEPEST GRATITUDE FOR YOUR APPRECIATION. Thanks to you. I would have not tried to wake up each morning, not because of you guys. Thank you so much.
I love you. :)
Actually, I don't have the right to smile at this very moment. We have this physics project that we need to pass on Monday. We still not have started it, and I really don't have an idea on how to do it.. Now. Whatchamaganadu?
Feeling light headed.
I lack sleep. super. for a week, a person should ideally have 56 hours of sleep.. But I think I just have the half of it.. Gonna ask why? I also don't know. I have this sudden urge not to sleep early, and not to eat right. I want to stop it, but can't. Simply DON'T KNOW WHY.
Last Friday, I thought I am going to collapse. Lack of sleep and deprivation of water and food? Maybe. It's a good thing I was able to calm myself. But I still didn't feel well then.
Deeply appreciated.
I really feel this love from my guildmates in Fresbo. It is something like I really am part of their circle of friends. Everyday, I find myself enjoying their company.
"Buti pa sila, pinahahalagahan ako.."
This statement made me realize that it is basically more than a game. It is much of the care for each other. It is much of the love and affection we are sharing.
OH YES. A BORING VIRTUAL WORLD. but at least, I feel happy whenever I talk with them. I feel loved. At least, from them.
A lot more thanks.
Hipon, Ate Anne, Kuya Tep, Kuya Teng, Ate Jazz, Ate Kim, Ate KC, Kuya Farz, Kuya Devil KO, Kuya KO, and of course mah boss...
MY DEEPEST GRATITUDE FOR YOUR APPRECIATION. Thanks to you. I would have not tried to wake up each morning, not because of you guys. Thank you so much.
I love you. :)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
selp-is-ness.
"You can call me selfish for all I want is your love..."
I miss Danica. She was not around this day for she took an entrance exam in San Juan de Dios College. Shocks. >.<
Haiz. I hate this day. Early in the morning, I had the urge to go home early. I wan t to talk to Kuya Mike, Kuya Zen, Kuya Teng, Kuya Tep and Ate Anne. Even if we just met in the VIRTUAL WORLD called Fresbo, I fell like I'm in heaven whenever I am talking to them. I feel so happy bacause they make me forget all my burdens in life. They reall y act like my older siblings and I am their bunso. I am just so sad that I could not to eith them on September 27 in Festival Mall. I don't have money, and i know that my mother won't permit me. Besides, responsibilities in school won't permit me either. SAD.
Speaking of responsibilities, I am the Vice President for Members of SALIW but the Sports Editor of The Molecules. I am squeezed by the pressure. Up to now, I still don't know what to prioritize.
If I am going to SALIW, it will be a big shame for me because I have attended SALIW for almost two months and not attending even a single Saturday for Molec.
If I am going to Molecules meeting, there will be a reaudition for SALIW members. I don't want to be expelled from the group. Besides, it will also be a shame for Mam May.
I really don't know what to do.. shocks. I'm scared for wrong decisions. Sick and tired of meeting them. HELP!!
I miss Danica. She was not around this day for she took an entrance exam in San Juan de Dios College. Shocks. >.<
Haiz. I hate this day. Early in the morning, I had the urge to go home early. I wan t to talk to Kuya Mike, Kuya Zen, Kuya Teng, Kuya Tep and Ate Anne. Even if we just met in the VIRTUAL WORLD called Fresbo, I fell like I'm in heaven whenever I am talking to them. I feel so happy bacause they make me forget all my burdens in life. They reall y act like my older siblings and I am their bunso. I am just so sad that I could not to eith them on September 27 in Festival Mall. I don't have money, and i know that my mother won't permit me. Besides, responsibilities in school won't permit me either. SAD.
Speaking of responsibilities, I am the Vice President for Members of SALIW but the Sports Editor of The Molecules. I am squeezed by the pressure. Up to now, I still don't know what to prioritize.
If I am going to SALIW, it will be a big shame for me because I have attended SALIW for almost two months and not attending even a single Saturday for Molec.
If I am going to Molecules meeting, there will be a reaudition for SALIW members. I don't want to be expelled from the group. Besides, it will also be a shame for Mam May.
I really don't know what to do.. shocks. I'm scared for wrong decisions. Sick and tired of meeting them. HELP!!
start of something new?
erm.. So tired of going to school. So much responsibilities.. But though, I'm happy. But frankly speaking, I am not that eager to go to school everyday. I hate it. I prefer playing fresbo all day. Before. it is because of our friends, especially shai. But now, nothing's new. Everyday is always a normal day. Hate it. Shocks.
In contrast to the idea stated above, I basically like some of the new events. Dana and I are somewhat close already. I like her. I feel secured whenever I am with her, Danica and Mam May. hehe. I am actually enjoying our lunch times.. :)
So tired. Molecules [DSPC and stupid schedule of intrams], SALIW [october 3 and stupid intrams again],.. But I enjoy being busy. At least, I could divert my attention away from my problems.. haha.^^
I miss my Dad. Although I feel wrath towards him, I still love him. He's still my dad. I am excited for the end of September. Except from his promise to me, I will see him. I suddenly felt my longingness for a father. I really do hope for that encounter. I miss him so much.
so tired. need rest. even a week. hoping. having faith. loving you. hurt. cry. laugh.defense mechanism.
kyrkyr, stop now.
In contrast to the idea stated above, I basically like some of the new events. Dana and I are somewhat close already. I like her. I feel secured whenever I am with her, Danica and Mam May. hehe. I am actually enjoying our lunch times.. :)
So tired. Molecules [DSPC and stupid schedule of intrams], SALIW [october 3 and stupid intrams again],.. But I enjoy being busy. At least, I could divert my attention away from my problems.. haha.^^
I miss my Dad. Although I feel wrath towards him, I still love him. He's still my dad. I am excited for the end of September. Except from his promise to me, I will see him. I suddenly felt my longingness for a father. I really do hope for that encounter. I miss him so much.
so tired. need rest. even a week. hoping. having faith. loving you. hurt. cry. laugh.defense mechanism.
kyrkyr, stop now.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
infatuation is always there...
kow.. there are many assignments.. it's still not sinking into me that I am a student again.. i am so drowsy the whole day. In every subject, I am really sleeping. waaaaa. I am really tired..
I wasn't able to rest yesterday. I arrived at 3:30 PM. I watched our performance and I am so amazed. I really never realized that our performance will really be a BOOM. I am so happy and very contented with the results. WE ARE THE CHAMPION! Our efforts were really rewarded. All our hard works were worth it.
I wasn't able to rest yesterday. I arrived at 3:30 PM. I watched our performance and I am so amazed. I really never realized that our performance will really be a BOOM. I am so happy and very contented with the results. WE ARE THE CHAMPION! Our efforts were really rewarded. All our hard works were worth it.
***
"I miss you. Don't you know that?"
Ate Kimmy told me about that time and guilt. You talked. I know that. I'm happy [I think] that you know that it is your fault. I miss you. damn much.
Cupid and Psyche. Love and Trust. Possibility to fall in love though you still have not seen the person you like. Possible. I know. Experienced it. Twice. And disappointed. Hurt. Cried. Hurt. Still hurt.
Hmm. Now i know. I'm stupid. I don't actually love you. Infatuation is always there. I hate it. Why didn't i even realize it? Shocks.
"rysh, i love you."
"sorry i dn't feel the same thing. :)"
Ate Kimmy told me about that time and guilt. You talked. I know that. I'm happy [I think] that you know that it is your fault. I miss you. damn much.
Cupid and Psyche. Love and Trust. Possibility to fall in love though you still have not seen the person you like. Possible. I know. Experienced it. Twice. And disappointed. Hurt. Cried. Hurt. Still hurt.
Hmm. Now i know. I'm stupid. I don't actually love you. Infatuation is always there. I hate it. Why didn't i even realize it? Shocks.
"rysh, i love you."
"sorry i dn't feel the same thing. :)"
Boredom. Guilt. Anger. Defeat.
[082008]
This was supposed to be my post last night but all thanks to those stupid smart bro cables, we wern'r able to have any chance of being connected. grrr. now, we are here in UPLB, BIOTECH division for our final experimentation., and we are just waiting fo rthe time to come for us to observe our set-ups.
Anyway, I simply want to narrate what happened yesterday. We, [dnx, mixah and I] talked about boys. [huh? lol.] It came to the point that we felt that it was not really our fault for us to fall for them. It is definitely theirs. If they didn't do those lovable things and the like, of course we won't like them. I simply don't know his intention of making "lambing" to US.
oh yes. you read it right. it's US.
"miss ko na sina kuya zen.. T.T"
"i hate him."
"bakit kb nagagalit sa knya?!"
"eh lab na lab kita eh.."
shut up. simple stupidity. i believed in him. and we all did. we trusted him sooooooooo much , and not we are hurt so badly.
i hate you so damn much.
This was supposed to be my post last night but all thanks to those stupid smart bro cables, we wern'r able to have any chance of being connected. grrr. now, we are here in UPLB, BIOTECH division for our final experimentation., and we are just waiting fo rthe time to come for us to observe our set-ups.
Anyway, I simply want to narrate what happened yesterday. We, [dnx, mixah and I] talked about boys. [huh? lol.] It came to the point that we felt that it was not really our fault for us to fall for them. It is definitely theirs. If they didn't do those lovable things and the like, of course we won't like them. I simply don't know his intention of making "lambing" to US.
oh yes. you read it right. it's US.
"miss ko na sina kuya zen.. T.T"
"i hate him."
"bakit kb nagagalit sa knya?!"
"eh lab na lab kita eh.."
shut up. simple stupidity. i believed in him. and we all did. we trusted him sooooooooo much , and not we are hurt so badly.
i hate you so damn much.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
fresbo?
weet.~
this is my 4th night in playing fresbo. actually, i am quite enjoying it. though all you need to do is to pass the bomb, its fun!
to start my sentiments, i need to tell this..
WE ARE INNOCENTS.!!!!!
this past 2 weeks, we are so happy because of our research, yet we are hurt by them.
they teamed up against the two of us. most of the students from the remaining two rshs curriculum sections are joining that stupidity to bring the two of us down.
i simply don't know why they accuse that we stole their research. hello. february 14, 2008. my research was approved. do they still want to see my approval sheet?
and besides, would anything change if ever they won't stop bothering us? i really do hate them. i want to fight for our right, but i could not. i am still thinking of their welfare and the benefit of the people around us.
but mind you, if ever they won't stop, i'll apply the principle,
an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
maghahalo ang balat sa tinalupan.
and i am serious about it. they should stop, or else...
this is my 4th night in playing fresbo. actually, i am quite enjoying it. though all you need to do is to pass the bomb, its fun!
to start my sentiments, i need to tell this..
WE ARE INNOCENTS.!!!!!
this past 2 weeks, we are so happy because of our research, yet we are hurt by them.
they teamed up against the two of us. most of the students from the remaining two rshs curriculum sections are joining that stupidity to bring the two of us down.
i simply don't know why they accuse that we stole their research. hello. february 14, 2008. my research was approved. do they still want to see my approval sheet?
and besides, would anything change if ever they won't stop bothering us? i really do hate them. i want to fight for our right, but i could not. i am still thinking of their welfare and the benefit of the people around us.
but mind you, if ever they won't stop, i'll apply the principle,
an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
maghahalo ang balat sa tinalupan.
and i am serious about it. they should stop, or else...
Sunday, July 6, 2008
i am nothing.
okay, and it had happened.
THE END.
haii. i really knew that this will happen. why did i ever believe that all was a reality, though my heart insists that it was a fantasy? a dream that will never happen?
i hate it. i am so attached to them/him/her already. and now, it seems that nothing will ever return to me.
i am open to reconciliation. i know i'm wrong, but i can defend that i am right too. didn't they know why i need to do it? wanna know the reason? simply because i love them. that's it. i don't really want to interfere, but it's just that.. argh. i can't explain it by mere words.
i am falling apart. nothingness fills my all. emptiness fills my sanity. i did nothing. i do nothing. i will do nothing. i am nothing.
it's my shortest post so far. actually, i created this post just to release what i really feel.
still hoping for the best. i know that He will help me. help you. and help us..
remembering sunday, i fall to my knees for i already miss you..
THE END.
haii. i really knew that this will happen. why did i ever believe that all was a reality, though my heart insists that it was a fantasy? a dream that will never happen?
i hate it. i am so attached to them/him/her already. and now, it seems that nothing will ever return to me.
i am open to reconciliation. i know i'm wrong, but i can defend that i am right too. didn't they know why i need to do it? wanna know the reason? simply because i love them. that's it. i don't really want to interfere, but it's just that.. argh. i can't explain it by mere words.
i am falling apart. nothingness fills my all. emptiness fills my sanity. i did nothing. i do nothing. i will do nothing. i am nothing.
it's my shortest post so far. actually, i created this post just to release what i really feel.
still hoping for the best. i know that He will help me. help you. and help us..
remembering sunday, i fall to my knees for i already miss you..
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
one last cry..
One last cry, one last cry, before I leave them all behind..
I simply don't know why I did that stupidity. I gave my "someone" a picture of a boy whom he really hates. Then, after that, he hates me too.
Last Monday, a friend of mine asked me if i could print a picture of her crush. I suddenly felt the responsibility not to say no. Then, when i was trying to print it, i thought of giving that "someone" that pic, though he really do hate that guy.
The following day, I saw that "someone". He noticed me passing by. So, i gave him the picture. He really got mad. As in. He even shouted tigilan mo nga ako! bitawan mo ako!!
Heaven and earth collided with me in between them. I tried to said sorry, but he refused to listen.
dismissal time. he approached me. i said sorry, but he is expressing neither approval or refusal. i look like a nincompoop there. he smiles whenever he is greeting the one i'm with [with matching waving of the hands and "hi pakner!"], but he frowns whenever he looks at me.
i cried. so much. i just need to stop since i still need to attend molecules meeting.
while i was walking towards I-H room, we talked.
are you okay?
no i'm not.
why?
i cried because of you.
i'm sorry.
no. you should not be. i should be sorry.
okay.
shaider.. wait. why are you saying sorry by the way? can you forgive me?
it's all right now. just don't do it again. you know i hate it so much.
thank you besh.. i..lo.. [and he walked away.]
hmm. stupidity kills. morale? don't do anything that will bring sorrow to your life. don't risk whatever you cannot afford to lose.
thank you besh.. i .. lo.. never mind.
I simply don't know why I did that stupidity. I gave my "someone" a picture of a boy whom he really hates. Then, after that, he hates me too.
Last Monday, a friend of mine asked me if i could print a picture of her crush. I suddenly felt the responsibility not to say no. Then, when i was trying to print it, i thought of giving that "someone" that pic, though he really do hate that guy.
The following day, I saw that "someone". He noticed me passing by. So, i gave him the picture. He really got mad. As in. He even shouted tigilan mo nga ako! bitawan mo ako!!
Heaven and earth collided with me in between them. I tried to said sorry, but he refused to listen.
dismissal time. he approached me. i said sorry, but he is expressing neither approval or refusal. i look like a nincompoop there. he smiles whenever he is greeting the one i'm with [with matching waving of the hands and "hi pakner!"], but he frowns whenever he looks at me.
i cried. so much. i just need to stop since i still need to attend molecules meeting.
while i was walking towards I-H room, we talked.
are you okay?
no i'm not.
why?
i cried because of you.
i'm sorry.
no. you should not be. i should be sorry.
okay.
shaider.. wait. why are you saying sorry by the way? can you forgive me?
it's all right now. just don't do it again. you know i hate it so much.
thank you besh.. i..lo.. [and he walked away.]
hmm. stupidity kills. morale? don't do anything that will bring sorrow to your life. don't risk whatever you cannot afford to lose.
thank you besh.. i .. lo.. never mind.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
things that i definitely miss...
At first, I became nervous and anxious when our adviser, Mrs. Tolentino told us that we need to write an essay on how our junior life ran and went on. But since I need to do it, I forced myself to note it down. And here it goes…
Junior… Wow. I am already a third year high school student in this school. I am excited. Though nervous since my friends from higher years told me that Ma’am Arlyn give loads of seatwork and homework, I know that I can get through these. “Madali lang yan, basta pagsisikapan.” I told myself.
It is already the enrollment day. I hate this day. Know why? It is because the leadership training (project of SSG where I am a member) is simultaneous to the event. I don’t know what I am going to prioritize. But it was fine since I did them both. At the same time! ü
Brigada Eskwela. I was shocked because our adviser already knew me. I was also happy because my former classmates, new classmates and I had bonding time together.
First week of classes, I am happy because I am starting a new year, which I knew was the start of a new life. Also, most of my classmates become the vice- presidents of most of the clubs, especially Shayne (my beloved Filipino Club).
Then life went on, I distinguished many people which I know that will be a great factor of what I am going to be in the near future. I also differentiated what is right and what is wrong. I knew that sometimes, doing the wrong thing is better than doing nothing at all to make things in order. But doing the wrong thing is still wrong.
September 2, 2007. (Ouch! I remembered it). We talked to our Mathematics teacher because we did something that isn’t really good to do. We cheated. I was nervous then, but I am ready to face the consequences that are needed to be given to us. One of my classmates told the rest of the III- N class that she owes them an apology. But I strongly disagree. I told my other friends, “Bakit ako mag-so-sorry sa kanila? Sila ang dapat mag-sorry sa atin dahil sila ang nang-iwan sa ere. Gumamit din sila ng photocopy na yun, pero sinabi nilang hindi. Kalokohan!”. But I was glad for Ma’am Orsal gave us the chance to know our faults and she did not give us any disciplinary action. She just let us write a promissory note that we are not going to cheat again, or else we are going to be expelled from the school.
September 7,2007, Maragondon Day. SALIW dance troupe performed in Maragondon Town Plaza. And I lost my phone. I hate this day!!
September 14, 2007. Field Trip. I had a great time then, butbefore the day ends, my friends, (specifically Danica, Nico and Jasper) gave me a toy which resembles like a phone. I was deeply touched by that simple gift.
September 26-29 2007. Jamboree. It was fun and exciting. I realized many things, especially that I don’t need to involve myself in every activity where I am not needed. I also gave importance to one word… HUMILITY.
October 18, 2007. It was my first time to compete outside the school. DSPC, Pagsulat ng Balitang Pangkalakasan. But unfortunately, I lost. I didn’t even get the 15th place. I felt so bad that time, but it was fine since my co-writers comforted me and told me that I still got another year to prove myself.
I encountered many people that I hated so much, but I am glad that I made up with them. So I am already a worry-free person.
I realized many things this year. I grasped that I am human and I am not perfect. I may meet people whom I can befriend, but I may not. I knew that people are different. Like what the proverb states “You may please somebody, but cannot please everybody”.
I also appreciated the word priority. I need to prioritize to do things much better. I also knew that I can escape from those “sleepless nights” when I do things during my free time. Our adviser’s words stuck unto me. ”Kung kayo ay nagbabasa na lamang o gumagawa ng inyong mga assignments imbis na magkwentuhan, makakatapos kayo. Hindi yung sasabihin nyo kay nanay na hindi kayo makakapaghugas ng pinagkainan dahil madami kayong takdang aralin.” I am always hit by her words. But I take it positively, I know that those words are mentioned by her for us to learn.
I also knew my friends more deeply. I distinguished fake friends from genuine. I believe that true friends tease like a brother but love you more than a lover. And I felt that certain love from Danica, Shayne and Samm. Hehe..(uyy.. special mention! ü)
One time, I told myself, I need to stand for what I believe is right. Though difficult, it will be the best way to live. Also, I need to explain myself to everybody whenever destiny urges me to. It won’t be healthy for everyone that we don’t understand each other. What if we became closer if I did explain my side to him? Ü
~ my junior life, passed to Mrs. Tolentino as a compliance for our clearance. hehe.
just like a pill~ pink
I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun
I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill
I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help
I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill
I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill!
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun
I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill
I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help
I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill
I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill!
Friday, June 27, 2008
a moment to be treasured forever..
I know. I'm darn. I'm irresponsible. I'm hopeless. I'm useless.
Emotional much?? naaaah. i am not. i just don't know how to start my post. I am even happy now. ^^
Anywho, i just want to tell that this day made me feel so great. Though i didn't have enough money to buy for other "wants", i still managed to make myself happy. besides, "president two slash filipino club president" was there to talk to her P.A. (president's assistant. ü)
being a battalion staff and shayne as an X.O. is really good!! i felt super high. i even jumped when i reached our room. maybe, punishing some officers could really make me feel oh-so-good. i even gave punishment to shaider, and even shouted "ANTIQUIN!!" several times. oh yes. shouting "ANTIQUIN, TAKE 10, MOVE!" to my best friend could really make me out of my mind. but it was worth it for him, i asked him to punish me also. so now, i am suffering from muscle cramps and pain. but i am still a happy bunny. ^^
daily routines. haha. waking up late, not feeling well at english and math time, feeling sleepy at research time, walkathon on recess on the afternoon, slight cleaning, going home, sitting in front of the computer, sleeping, waking up late. i am sick and tired of this. i wanna do something else. but i still haven't figured out what to do.
as i was saying a while ago, i am so happy. shayne and i talked a lot. we told each other about how we feel about things. we spend the day talking about everything we want to talk to. i really feel great whenever i am with her. simply dunno why.
*scribbles* B. *scribbles again.* E. *scribbles once more* S. *scribbles* H. *for the last time, scribbles* Y. BESHY. i did it!!
"how is that?"
"it's simple. just do this and do that."
and we got addicted to it. lettering using the highlighter. hehe. it is really fun! i could really get used to doing it. hehe.
so shayne, i simply want to thank you for this day. with matching bugbog.. suntok.. sapak.. sipa... thank you so much. without you, i could not have been this happy. i am so grateful that our friendship, like what we used to be when we are still sophies, returned to us. i hope we won't lose it again.
still looking for more walkathons. for more stories. for stronger friendship. for greater love and care.
you are soooooooo stuuuupiiiid. lolololololol.
Emotional much?? naaaah. i am not. i just don't know how to start my post. I am even happy now. ^^
Anywho, i just want to tell that this day made me feel so great. Though i didn't have enough money to buy for other "wants", i still managed to make myself happy. besides, "president two slash filipino club president" was there to talk to her P.A. (president's assistant. ü)
being a battalion staff and shayne as an X.O. is really good!! i felt super high. i even jumped when i reached our room. maybe, punishing some officers could really make me feel oh-so-good. i even gave punishment to shaider, and even shouted "ANTIQUIN!!" several times. oh yes. shouting "ANTIQUIN, TAKE 10, MOVE!" to my best friend could really make me out of my mind. but it was worth it for him, i asked him to punish me also. so now, i am suffering from muscle cramps and pain. but i am still a happy bunny. ^^
daily routines. haha. waking up late, not feeling well at english and math time, feeling sleepy at research time, walkathon on recess on the afternoon, slight cleaning, going home, sitting in front of the computer, sleeping, waking up late. i am sick and tired of this. i wanna do something else. but i still haven't figured out what to do.
as i was saying a while ago, i am so happy. shayne and i talked a lot. we told each other about how we feel about things. we spend the day talking about everything we want to talk to. i really feel great whenever i am with her. simply dunno why.
*scribbles* B. *scribbles again.* E. *scribbles once more* S. *scribbles* H. *for the last time, scribbles* Y. BESHY. i did it!!
"how is that?"
"it's simple. just do this and do that."
and we got addicted to it. lettering using the highlighter. hehe. it is really fun! i could really get used to doing it. hehe.
so shayne, i simply want to thank you for this day. with matching bugbog.. suntok.. sapak.. sipa... thank you so much. without you, i could not have been this happy. i am so grateful that our friendship, like what we used to be when we are still sophies, returned to us. i hope we won't lose it again.
still looking for more walkathons. for more stories. for stronger friendship. for greater love and care.
you are soooooooo stuuuupiiiid. lolololololol.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
actually, not all.
"hindi lahat ng unang tibok ng puso ay pag-ibig..."
I learned that from our Filipino class earlier.. "Kaya kayo, 4-N, mag-iingat kayo ah!"
Nothingness fills up my all. I don't see anyone, anything, anywhere. It always seem that my soul is always departing from my body to look for its own master. Even though it knows that I need it, it will still go away from me, for it is not comfortable living with me.
Anywho, it's already Friday tomorrow. The week ends soooo fast. I didn't even feel that it was already Thursday today. I want to be stuck in time. I want to live with my friends, forever, in my Alma Mater, dearest school. But everybody knows that I could not. I still need to proceed with tomorrow, but of course, i shouldn't forget what happened yesterday.
Darn. I couldn't think of anything to be placed here. I simply want to create another post today. To be honest, I even want to do it last night, but assignments hindered my will. I'm also worrying about her slash him slash them.
Trust. It can easily be given, but difficult to earn if lost.
There was a girl that I love so much. I treated her as my own sister already. But, she lost my trust. I told her a secret that I never told anyone, even to my best friend. But she betrayed me. She did something that hurt me. Why would she do that if she really loves me?
I want to be hers again, and i want her to be mine. And that's the problem with me. I forgive and forget so easily, so my closest friends could do whatever they want to do with me, without fearing that they might lose me. I really desire to change that way of living. Of course, everybody needs limits, and I want to discover mine.
I love him, I'm a liar, would you believe me?
I learned that from our Filipino class earlier.. "Kaya kayo, 4-N, mag-iingat kayo ah!"
Nothingness fills up my all. I don't see anyone, anything, anywhere. It always seem that my soul is always departing from my body to look for its own master. Even though it knows that I need it, it will still go away from me, for it is not comfortable living with me.
Anywho, it's already Friday tomorrow. The week ends soooo fast. I didn't even feel that it was already Thursday today. I want to be stuck in time. I want to live with my friends, forever, in my Alma Mater, dearest school. But everybody knows that I could not. I still need to proceed with tomorrow, but of course, i shouldn't forget what happened yesterday.
Darn. I couldn't think of anything to be placed here. I simply want to create another post today. To be honest, I even want to do it last night, but assignments hindered my will. I'm also worrying about her slash him slash them.
Trust. It can easily be given, but difficult to earn if lost.
There was a girl that I love so much. I treated her as my own sister already. But, she lost my trust. I told her a secret that I never told anyone, even to my best friend. But she betrayed me. She did something that hurt me. Why would she do that if she really loves me?
I want to be hers again, and i want her to be mine. And that's the problem with me. I forgive and forget so easily, so my closest friends could do whatever they want to do with me, without fearing that they might lose me. I really desire to change that way of living. Of course, everybody needs limits, and I want to discover mine.
I love him, I'm a liar, would you believe me?
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
je vous manque...
"I miss your love since you've been gone, I find it hard to go on.."
Yehey. Senior at last! Still Nitrogen and Mrs. Atendido as our adviser. Happy happy!
erm.. 2 weeks of classes had already passed. Another week is yet to be conquered. Many things already made me laugh, and made me cry.
I love the first week of classes. Though I didn't feel that the first day of classes was my birthday, I felt great. I think I already established a bond between me, my friends and Mam May. A bond that I know I will carry with me forever.
But a great ouch. It really does hurt. Witty told us that Mam May was confined in the hospital. Waaaa. And I even knew that she had undergone a major operation. Waaaa~~ !! My continuous happiness is over. I hate it so much.
Last Wednesday.. I was reading the "Uhaw ang Tigang na Lupa" while sitting on the floor and leaning to my classmate’s desk.. The students of Linear Algebra came and shouted "we have a new teacher in English!". And I was really shocked. I looked at her, but she didn't even greet us. She just proceeded to Mam May’s desk. I hated it.
I don't know why, but I cannot really accept that she is our new adviser/ English teacher. Up to now, i think I am just dreaming, a really bad dream.
No offense, but to be frank, I still want Mam May to be our adviser. To be honest, I want her to recover as soon as possible so you won't be our teacher anymore. I know I am so bad, but that's me. I just can't help but think that I could not accept you as our new teacher. No one could ever replace Mam May in my heart. It's just that my mind is telling me to force to like you, but my heart really objects. I am so sorry Mam.
And here I am, telling this story just to ease the pain that we are going through. I wanted to cry, but I know that it won't do anything. I am just praying that our Omnipotent Lord God will guide us in everything that we will do. Eventhough I am this wicked, I am still hoping for the best..
"Bumalik ka lang sa amin, nangangakong kami'y naghihintay sa'yo.."
I definitely miss Mam May.. I hope you recover now.. :{
Sunday, June 22, 2008
and here i go..again.
"Jan, be ashamed of yourself!"
I wanna meet my new self. Renewal, as what they call it.
It seems that I am very emotional this past few days. I don't know why, but I can't really help it.
Just like what happened last June 10, 2008. Oh yes, my oh-so-called-birthday. Everybody thought that I was all right, but I am not. I felt like it wasn't my birthday.
A week before, I was so excited. Yehey. My birthday will be the first day of school, and I will provide lunch for my teachers and for the whole 4- Nitrogen.
June 9, 2008. I was still excited. Many people are already greeting me. Even my beshybesh didn't stop greeting me.
June 10, midnight. No one greeted me. I just received the very first greeting at 2AM already. It was my sister. I simply don't know, but I AM JEALOUS. My best friend did nothail me on midnight, but he did to my other friend. Ouch. But it is alright. Carry on.
Flag ceremony. I am a battalion staff. Ma'am Mae said that it is my birthday. On the microphone. In front of the whole CNSHS. Wow. That is so great. I loved it.
The day passed, and more people greeted me. "Happy Birthday"s and "Maligayang Bati"s. But I didn't feel their sincerity. I am still wondering why.
At night, Jasper and Shayne did not stop comforting me. I still felt that it was an ordinary day. All of the things that I am imagining a week before, are all gone..gon..go..g.. ..
My oh-so-called-father called me. But it didn't go well. He just told me a little "Happy Birthday" and a little "I love you"... then zoom zap zim boom. The conversation was over. I really felt bad at that time. I simply cried, without my mom knowing it. Just to release my emotions. But still, I was uneasy with it.
But know, I realized that it was my fault.
"The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy. You can make any day special. It's just a matter of appreciation.", a person told me.
Happiness. Deal with it. No wrath cannot be overcome with happiness and forgiveness in our hearts. I know that I can be glad in my own very little ways. I know. Someday.
I wanna meet my new self. Renewal, as what they call it.
It seems that I am very emotional this past few days. I don't know why, but I can't really help it.
Just like what happened last June 10, 2008. Oh yes, my oh-so-called-birthday. Everybody thought that I was all right, but I am not. I felt like it wasn't my birthday.
A week before, I was so excited. Yehey. My birthday will be the first day of school, and I will provide lunch for my teachers and for the whole 4- Nitrogen.
June 9, 2008. I was still excited. Many people are already greeting me. Even my beshybesh didn't stop greeting me.
June 10, midnight. No one greeted me. I just received the very first greeting at 2AM already. It was my sister. I simply don't know, but I AM JEALOUS. My best friend did nothail me on midnight, but he did to my other friend. Ouch. But it is alright. Carry on.
Flag ceremony. I am a battalion staff. Ma'am Mae said that it is my birthday. On the microphone. In front of the whole CNSHS. Wow. That is so great. I loved it.
The day passed, and more people greeted me. "Happy Birthday"s and "Maligayang Bati"s. But I didn't feel their sincerity. I am still wondering why.
At night, Jasper and Shayne did not stop comforting me. I still felt that it was an ordinary day. All of the things that I am imagining a week before, are all gone..gon..go..g.. ..
My oh-so-called-father called me. But it didn't go well. He just told me a little "Happy Birthday" and a little "I love you"... then zoom zap zim boom. The conversation was over. I really felt bad at that time. I simply cried, without my mom knowing it. Just to release my emotions. But still, I was uneasy with it.
But know, I realized that it was my fault.
"The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy. You can make any day special. It's just a matter of appreciation.", a person told me.
Happiness. Deal with it. No wrath cannot be overcome with happiness and forgiveness in our hearts. I know that I can be glad in my own very little ways. I know. Someday.
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