things that i definitely miss...

At first, I became nervous and anxious when our adviser, Mrs. Tolentino told us that we need to write an essay on how our junior life ran and went on. But since I need to do it, I forced myself to note it down. And here it goes…

Junior… Wow. I am already a third year high school student in this school. I am excited. Though nervous since my friends from higher years told me that Ma’am Arlyn give loads of seatwork and homework, I know that I can get through these. “Madali lang yan, basta pagsisikapan.” I told myself.

It is already the enrollment day. I hate this day. Know why? It is because the leadership training (project of SSG where I am a member) is simultaneous to the event. I don’t know what I am going to prioritize. But it was fine since I did them both. At the same time! ü

Brigada Eskwela. I was shocked because our adviser already knew me. I was also happy because my former classmates, new classmates and I had bonding time together.

First week of classes, I am happy because I am starting a new year, which I knew was the start of a new life. Also, most of my classmates become the vice- presidents of most of the clubs, especially Shayne (my beloved Filipino Club).

Then life went on, I distinguished many people which I know that will be a great factor of what I am going to be in the near future. I also differentiated what is right and what is wrong. I knew that sometimes, doing the wrong thing is better than doing nothing at all to make things in order. But doing the wrong thing is still wrong.

September 2, 2007. (Ouch! I remembered it). We talked to our Mathematics teacher because we did something that isn’t really good to do. We cheated. I was nervous then, but I am ready to face the consequences that are needed to be given to us. One of my classmates told the rest of the III- N class that she owes them an apology. But I strongly disagree. I told my other friends, “Bakit ako mag-so-sorry sa kanila? Sila ang dapat mag-sorry sa atin dahil sila ang nang-iwan sa ere. Gumamit din sila ng photocopy na yun, pero sinabi nilang hindi. Kalokohan!”. But I was glad for Ma’am Orsal gave us the chance to know our faults and she did not give us any disciplinary action. She just let us write a promissory note that we are not going to cheat again, or else we are going to be expelled from the school.

September 7,2007, Maragondon Day. SALIW dance troupe performed in Maragondon Town Plaza. And I lost my phone. I hate this day!!

September 14, 2007. Field Trip. I had a great time then, butbefore the day ends, my friends, (specifically Danica, Nico and Jasper) gave me a toy which resembles like a phone. I was deeply touched by that simple gift.

September 26-29 2007. Jamboree. It was fun and exciting. I realized many things, especially that I don’t need to involve myself in every activity where I am not needed. I also gave importance to one word… HUMILITY.

October 18, 2007. It was my first time to compete outside the school. DSPC, Pagsulat ng Balitang Pangkalakasan. But unfortunately, I lost. I didn’t even get the 15^th place. I felt so bad that time, but it was fine since my co-writers comforted me and told me that I still got another year to prove myself.

I encountered many people that I hated so much, but I am glad that I made up with them. So I am already a worry-free person.

I realized many things this year. I grasped that I am human and I am not perfect. I may meet people whom I can befriend, but I may not. I knew that people are different. Like what the proverb states “You may please somebody, but cannot please everybody”.

I also appreciated the word priority. I need to prioritize to do things much better. I also knew that I can escape from those “sleepless nights” when I do things during my free time. Our adviser’s words stuck unto me. ”Kung kayo ay nagbabasa na lamang o gumagawa ng inyong mga assignments imbis na magkwentuhan, makakatapos kayo. Hindi yung sasabihin nyo kay nanay na hindi kayo makakapaghugas ng pinagkainan dahil madami kayong takdang aralin.” I am always hit by her words. But I take it positively, I know that those words are mentioned by her for us to learn.

I also knew my friends more deeply. I distinguished fake friends from genuine. I believe that true friends tease like a brother but love you more than a lover. And I felt that certain love from Danica, Shayne and Samm. Hehe..(uyy.. special mention! ü)

One time, I told myself, I need to stand for what I believe is right. Though difficult, it will be the best way to live. Also, I need to explain myself to everybody whenever destiny urges me to. It won’t be healthy for everyone that we don’t understand each other. What if we became closer if I did explain my side to him? Ü

One day, I said “Bakit parang ambilis? Di ko naramdaman na nag-third year ako. Sana third year pa rin ako next year… Masaya kasi…” And I mean it. I love tres naytros, and I love Ma’am Arlyn so much. I don’t want to leave third year. Though I was insulted, got mad, and hurt, these were repaired by the happiness and joy that the people I love gave me. It’s just that I need to leave things for the meantime and proceed to another challenge that I need to surpass. Goodbye Junior days… I will definitely miss you… :c



~ my junior life, passed to Mrs. Tolentino as a compliance for our clearance. hehe.

just like a pill~ pink

I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun

I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help

I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill

I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill!

a moment to be treasured forever..

I know. I'm darn. I'm irresponsible. I'm hopeless. I'm useless.


Emotional much?? naaaah. i am not. i just don't know how to start my post. I am even happy now. ^^

Anywho, i just want to tell that this day made me feel so great. Though i didn't have enough money to buy for other "wants", i still managed to make myself happy. besides, "president two slash filipino club president" was there to talk to her P.A. (president's assistant. ü)

being a battalion staff and shayne as an X.O. is really good!! i felt super high. i even jumped when i reached our room. maybe, punishing some officers could really make me feel oh-so-good. i even gave punishment to shaider, and even shouted "ANTIQUIN!!" several times. oh yes. shouting "ANTIQUIN, TAKE 10, MOVE!" to my best friend could really make me out of my mind. but it was worth it for him, i asked him to punish me also. so now, i am suffering from muscle cramps and pain. but i am still a happy bunny. ^^


daily routines. haha. waking up late, not feeling well at english and math time, feeling sleepy at research time, walkathon on recess on the afternoon, slight cleaning, going home, sitting in front of the computer, sleeping, waking up late. i am sick and tired of this. i wanna do something else. but i still haven't figured out what to do.

as i was saying a while ago, i am so happy. shayne and i talked a lot. we told each other about how we feel about things. we spend the day talking about everything we want to talk to. i really feel great whenever i am with her. simply dunno why.

*scribbles* B. *scribbles again.* E. *scribbles once more* S. *scribbles* H. *for the last time, scribbles* Y. BESHY. i did it!!

"how is that?"

"it's simple. just do this and do that."

and we got addicted to it. lettering using the highlighter. hehe. it is really fun! i could really get used to doing it. hehe.

so shayne, i simply want to thank you for this day. with matching bugbog.. suntok.. sapak.. sipa... thank you so much. without you, i could not have been this happy. i am so grateful that our friendship, like what we used to be when we are still sophies, returned to us. i hope we won't lose it again.

still looking for more walkathons. for more stories. for stronger friendship. for greater love and care.

you are soooooooo stuuuupiiiid. lolololololol.

actually, not all.

"hindi lahat ng unang tibok ng puso ay pag-ibig..."


I learned that from our Filipino class earlier.. "Kaya kayo, 4-N, mag-iingat kayo ah!"


Nothingness fills up my all. I don't see anyone, anything, anywhere. It always seem that my soul is always departing from my body to look for its own master. Even though it knows that I need it, it will still go away from me, for it is not comfortable living with me.

Anywho, it's already Friday tomorrow. The week ends soooo fast. I didn't even feel that it was already Thursday today. I want to be stuck in time. I want to live with my friends, forever, in my Alma Mater, dearest school. But everybody knows that I could not. I still need to proceed with tomorrow, but of course, i shouldn't forget what happened yesterday.

Darn. I couldn't think of anything to be placed here. I simply want to create another post today. To be honest, I even want to do it last night, but assignments hindered my will. I'm also worrying about her slash him slash them.

Trust. It can easily be given, but difficult to earn if lost.

There was a girl that I love so much. I treated her as my own sister already. But, she lost my trust. I told her a secret that I never told anyone, even to my best friend. But she betrayed me. She did something that hurt me. Why would she do that if she really loves me?

I want to be hers again, and i want her to be mine. And that's the problem with me. I forgive and forget so easily, so my closest friends could do whatever they want to do with me, without fearing that they might lose me. I really desire to change that way of living. Of course, everybody needs limits, and I want to discover mine.


I love him, I'm a liar, would you believe me?

je vous manque...

"I miss your love since you've been gone, I find it hard to go on.."

Yehey. Senior at last! Still Nitrogen and Mrs. Atendido as our adviser. Happy happy!

erm.. 2 weeks of classes had already passed. Another week is yet to be conquered. Many things already made me laugh, and made me cry.

I love the first week of classes. Though I didn't feel that the first day of classes was my birthday, I felt great. I think I already established a bond between me, my friends and Mam May. A bond that I know I will carry with me forever.

But a great ouch. It really does hurt. Witty told us that Mam May was confined in the hospital. Waaaa. And I even knew that she had undergone a major operation. Waaaa~~ !! My continuous happiness is over. I hate it so much.

Last Wednesday.. I was reading the "Uhaw ang Tigang na Lupa" while sitting on the floor and leaning to my classmate’s desk.. The students of Linear Algebra came and shouted "we have a new teacher in English!". And I was really shocked. I looked at her, but she didn't even greet us. She just proceeded to Mam May’s desk. I hated it.

I don't know why, but I cannot really accept that she is our new adviser/ English teacher. Up to now, i think I am just dreaming, a really bad dream.

No offense, but to be frank, I still want Mam May to be our adviser. To be honest, I want her to recover as soon as possible so you won't be our teacher anymore. I know I am so bad, but that's me. I just can't help but think that I could not accept you as our new teacher. No one could ever replace Mam May in my heart. It's just that my mind is telling me to force to like you, but my heart really objects. I am so sorry Mam.

And here I am, telling this story just to ease the pain that we are going through. I wanted to cry, but I know that it won't do anything. I am just praying that our Omnipotent Lord God will guide us in everything that we will do. Eventhough I am this wicked, I am still hoping for the best..

"Bumalik ka lang sa amin, nangangakong kami'y naghihintay sa'yo.."


I definitely miss Mam May.. I hope you recover now.. :{

and here i go..again.

"Jan, be ashamed of yourself!"

I wanna meet my new self. Renewal, as what they call it.

It seems that I am very emotional this past few days. I don't know why, but I can't really help it.

Just like what happened last June 10, 2008. Oh yes, my oh-so-called-birthday. Everybody thought that I was all right, but I am not. I felt like it wasn't my birthday.

A week before, I was so excited. Yehey. My birthday will be the first day of school, and I will provide lunch for my teachers and for the whole 4- Nitrogen.

June 9, 2008. I was still excited. Many people are already greeting me. Even my beshybesh didn't stop greeting me.

June 10, midnight. No one greeted me. I just received the very first greeting at 2AM already. It was my sister. I simply don't know, but I AM JEALOUS. My best friend did nothail me on midnight, but he did to my other friend. Ouch. But it is alright. Carry on.

Flag ceremony. I am a battalion staff. Ma'am Mae said that it is my birthday. On the microphone. In front of the whole CNSHS. Wow. That is so great. I loved it.

The day passed, and more people greeted me. "Happy Birthday"s and "Maligayang Bati"s. But I didn't feel their sincerity. I am still wondering why.


At night, Jasper and Shayne did not stop comforting me. I still felt that it was an ordinary day. All of the things that I am imagining a week before, are all gone..gon..go..g.. ..

My oh-so-called-father called me. But it didn't go well. He just told me a little "Happy Birthday" and a little "I love you"... then zoom zap zim boom. The conversation was over. I really felt bad at that time. I simply cried, without my mom knowing it. Just to release my emotions. But still, I was uneasy with it.

But know, I realized that it was my fault.

"The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy. You can make any day special. It's just a matter of appreciation.", a person told me.

Happiness. Deal with it. No wrath cannot be overcome with happiness and forgiveness in our hearts. I know that I can be glad in my own very little ways. I know. Someday.